## Starcast: March 29th, 2026

**Jay Shaffer:** Welcome back to the Starcast for the week of March 29th, 2026. I'm your host, Jay Shaffer, and with me is my co-host, Mike Lewinski. Howdy, Mike, how you doing today?

**Mike Lewinski:** I'm great. How are you, Jay?

**Jay Shaffer:** Doing great. I can't beat the weather for the end of March, that's for sure. And speaking of weather, how is our space weather looking over for the next couple days?

**Mike Lewinski:** Well, Jay, we've got 8 sunspot groups that are facing the earth right now, and we're watching 2 in particular—sunspots 4401 and 4405. Both have the beta-gamma magnetic fields that could unleash an M-class solar flare. Yesterday, in fact, Sunspot 4405 did produce a very long-lasting flare, over 7 hours, peaking at about M1.3. However, it was only just turning toward Earth when it erupted, so that flare itself is not Earth-directed. We have a forecast of 50% chance of M-class flares over the next 48 hours and a 10% chance of X-class flares in that time. So at mid-latitudes, NOAA forecasts a 20% chance of active geomagnetic conditions today, jumping up to 40% tomorrow. For higher latitudes, NOAA forecasts a 25% chance of a severe storm today, going up to 60% tomorrow. So what's happening in the night sky this week, Jay?

**Jay Shaffer:** Well, first off, we're looking towards the full moon this week. On the evening of April 1st, the full Pink Moon will be positioned just below the bright star Spica. Now, Spica is a brilliant blue-white giant, but even then, the moonlight might be a little bit overwhelming. So if you're having trouble spotting it, here's a tip: you just use your finger to block out the moon's disc, and Spica should pop right into view. The official crest of the full moon occurs at 2:12 UTC on April 2nd. Which for those of us in the USA, in the Central Time Zone, that's about 9:12 PM on the evening of April 1st.

But the real buzz in the community right now is about Comet C/2026 A1 (MAPS). Skywatchers have been tracking this one closely because it's a sungrazer—a comet that sweeps incredibly close to the sun. These objects tend to be at their absolute brightest during their perihelion, which is their closest point to the sun. And for this comet, that happens on April 4th and 5th. So there's always a bit of drama with sungrazers. We have to see if it survives the intense solar heat and doesn't fall apart and get basically blown apart. But if it does pull through its perihelion passage, it should become quite a sight over our sky right around Easter. In fact, some people are already calling it the "Easter Comet." So I've been getting my little Seestar smart telescope ready, just in case we get a good show for that comet. So Mike, what's happening for us in space news?

**Mike Lewinski:** Jay, in the major spaceflight news this week, NASA is officially entering the next high-stake phase of the Artemis program. After years of preparation following the uncrewed Artemis 1 mission back in 2022, we are finally on the doorstep of putting boots—or at least humans—back in lunar orbit. NASA confirmed just this month that the Artemis 2 spacecraft is ready for its final rollout to the launch pad at Kennedy Space Center, and the crew is there now. They've been in medical quarantine for the last two weeks. If everything remains on schedule, the astronauts will launch aboard the Orion spacecraft atop the massive SLS rocket on April 1st, and they have 2-hour launch windows starting on April 1st going through April 6th, depending on the weather.

Now, this won't be a landing on the moon just yet. Instead, this is a 10-day mission to fly around the moon and back, and it marks the first time that humans will have left Earth orbit since the end of the Apollo era over 50 years ago. Now, the roadmap doesn't stop there. NASA just released an updated "Moon to Mars" architecture that lays out an ambitious triple-phase plan for the next decade. Following Artemis 2, they're targeting 2027 for Artemis 3, a mission that is focused on testing the integrated systems in Earth orbit. And there the Orion spacecraft will test docking with landers—lunar landers produced by both SpaceX and Blue Origin. Now, our actual return to the lunar surface is currently slated for the Artemis 4 mission in early 2028.

The ultimate goal, according to recent NASA announcements, is to transition from these one-off expeditions to a permanent human foothold. This includes the development of Space Reactor One Freedom to test nuclear propulsion in deep space, and a plan for at least one crewed surface landing every year starting in 2028. By the early 2030s, NASA and its international partners, including JAXA and the Italian Space Agency, aim to have semi-habitable infrastructure and pressurized rovers on the moon, effectively turning it into a stepping stone for the first human missions to Mars.

And in other news, we're excited about a new study published in the Monthly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society that identifies 45 potentially habitable planets in the so-called Goldilocks Zone. A team of researchers led by Lisa Kaltenegger of the Carl Sagan Institute at Cornell identified 45 rocky exoplanets that orbit inside their star's habitable zones, where temperatures are just right to allow liquid water on their surfaces. No, this doesn't mean we found water there, only that if it does exist, it won't all be ice or vapor. Kaltenegger's team used data from the European Space Agency's Gaia mission, which was retired a year ago, as well as data from the NASA Exoplanet Archive to create better estimates of how much energy each planet receives from its host star. This is one of the key factors determining whether an exoplanet is in the so-called Goldilocks zone of habitability. And the team didn't just look at what planets might host life; they also asked what the actual limits of habitability might be, and they chose to include worlds that push the boundaries in their catalog. Among other variables, they consider planets with elliptical orbits. It's going to take a lot more research before we can define what the range of orbital eccentricity is that is tolerable for living things. And I think eccentricity is a great point to pivot now to our topic for the week, Jay.

**Jay Shaffer:** Yeah, so for our topic today, in honor of April Fool's Day this week, we thought we'd go down into the wormhole of bad space jokes and riddles, just because some listeners have asked us why we are so serious. And my answer to that is because it's the brightest star. So, I thought about going down the misinformation highway and doing a fake news story for April 1st, but I think that we're kind of saturated in science misinformation right now. So I thought we'd make it even more just silly and somewhat stupid. So, your turn.

**Mike Lewinski:** All right, Jay, why can't you trust an atom?

**Jay Shaffer:** I don't know, Mike, why can't you trust an atom?

**Mike Lewinski:** It's because they make up everything.

**Jay Shaffer:** Okay. How do we know that the moon is going broke?

**Mike Lewinski:** I don't know. How did we know that, Jay?

**Jay Shaffer:** Because in two weeks from now, it's going to be down to its last quarter.

**Mike Lewinski:** Oh. You know, Jay, I only know one good joke about the singularity, but I can't tell you it.

**Jay Shaffer:** All right. Okay. So a photon checks into a hotel, the bellhop asks, "Can I take your luggage?" The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

**Mike Lewinski:** All right, I got two for you. What is a space technician's favorite key on a computer keyboard?

**Jay Shaffer:** I don't know. Oh, that's the astronaut's favorite, too.

**Mike Lewinski:** That's the spacebar. And, you know why all the astronauts use Macs?

**Jay Shaffer:** No, why?

**Mike Lewinski:** You can't open windows in space.

**Jay Shaffer:** Okay, yeah, all right. Computer humor. You'd think that was like your job. So how did the rocket get that job? He was fired from the last one, but the new position gave him a great boost.

**Mike Lewinski:** The hole. What did the Martian say to the other Martian?

**Jay Shaffer:** I don't know.

**Mike Lewinski:** "Nice weather, isn't it? Very reddish."

**Jay Shaffer:** Okay, I don't quite get that one, but, alright. So, I met a guy who's studying all the different moon phases, and I told him, "You sound like a bit of a lunatic."

**Mike Lewinski:** Oh. Uh, what does a cosmologist use to keep their hair in place?

**Jay Shaffer:** Uh, dark matter?

**Mike Lewinski:** Constellation spray. It's out of this world. Really feeling like we need a cosmetologist joke in there.

**Jay Shaffer:** Oh, man. Yeah, well, I think I'll try to come up with a couple more. How about a knock-knock joke? Knock knock.

**Mike Lewinski:** Who's there? Uranus, who?

**Jay Shaffer:** Uranus. Uranus is not visible tonight, but I can point you in the general direction. Okay, we're not going to do any more Uranus jokes, because…

**Mike Lewinski:** Oh! That's… that's really a good… a good idea.

**Jay Shaffer:** Because they stink. All right. Your turn.

**Mike Lewinski:** A group of stars is called a constellation. A group of galaxies is called a cluster. What do you call a group of physicists studying both?

**Jay Shaffer:** I don't know.

**Mike Lewinski:** A cluster physicist.

**Jay Shaffer:** Oh, I get it. All right. So why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

**Mike Lewinski:** Wow, Jay?

**Jay Shaffer:** She needed more space, and he needed more launch thrust.

**Mike Lewinski:** Oh! What's the spaceship's favorite type of music?

**Jay Shaffer:** Okay. Uh, ambient space music?

**Mike Lewinski:** Techno-thrust. It's got a great beat that you can blast to.

**Jay Shaffer:** Oh, man. That's enough thrust for me. Okay. Oh, man. So I've been pulling a few more strings and found a couple more absolute groaner jokes from the deep fields of physics, astronomy, and cosmology. Ready for this quantum leap in truly bad jokes?

**Mike Lewinski:** Oh, I couldn't be more ready, Jay. Got my groan-meter primed. Let's hit the singularity of silliness. Hit me with the first five.

**Jay Shaffer:** Okay, I decided to write a joke about a singularity, but I can only get it down to one line.

**Mike Lewinski:** Oh. Why do physicists like donuts?

**Jay Shaffer:** I don't know. They have holes?

**Mike Lewinski:** Fascinating toruses of sugar and grease. That's some topology humor for you.

**Jay Shaffer:** Oh. Okay. All right. So black holes. What does the black hole say when it orders a large pizza?

**Mike Lewinski:** I don't know, what does it say, Jay?

**Jay Shaffer:** "I'll have everything, but please, no toppings that would alter my mass to a critical density."

**Mike Lewinski:** All right. A group of protons walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, you guys have a positive attitude." When a neutron walks in behind him, the bartender says, "For you, no charge."

**Jay Shaffer:** Oh, I wish I had got that joke. All right. All right, so a team of astronomers finds a planet made entirely of money. What do they call it?

**Mike Lewinski:** I don't know. What do they call it?

**Jay Shaffer:** The Cassiopeia system.

**Mike Lewinski:** You know, there are planets that rain diamonds. Extremely high pressure.

**Jay Shaffer:** Yeah, it's true. Or at least we think it's true.

**Mike Lewinski:** We think it's true. I tried to catch some fog to study, but I missed.

**Jay Shaffer:** Alright, your turn.

**Mike Lewinski:** It is.

**Jay Shaffer:** What's a cosmologist's favorite type of coffee? A Mocha, because it's dark, and it's creamy, and slightly sweet, and it also contains caffeine, which stimulates their brain to think about the mysteries of the universe, and on and on and on and on.

**Mike Lewinski:** I don't know. Tell me. Why do neutrinos cross the road, Jay?

**Jay Shaffer:** Oh, I don't know, Mike, tell me.

**Mike Lewinski:** To see if they can do it without interacting with any cars on the other side, including the ones that might have just passed about a moment ago.

**Jay Shaffer:** Turn a bus into a neutrino detector. Okay. What? I met an astronomer who was always late. They said, "Hey, my internal clock is set to sidereal time. What's your excuse?"

**Mike Lewinski:** A physicist, a chemist, and an astronomer are looking at a black cat in a dark room. The physicist says the room is empty; there's no possible way to observe a black cat in this dark room. The chemist says, "Actually, I smell sulfur and ammonia. There's probably a cat box in here, too." And the astronomer says, "Wait, I see a small point of light. Maybe if I stare at it for a few hours, I can confirm it's a cat's eye."

**Jay Shaffer:** Oh, there's a lot of cat in the dark room jokes that I've heard recently, but I'm going to go leave it at that one. So yeah, you know, kind of like April 1st, you ever played any good practical jokes?

**Mike Lewinski:** You know, just actually pretty lame practical jokes. None that I would want to recount here.

**Jay Shaffer:** Okay. Well, I have one. I was working for a news agency—for Reuters News—back in the 1990s. On April 1st, I came into the office at like 5 AM before anybody was there. I went around to each cubicle and each office, and back then we had computer mice that had little roller balls in them. I took the balls out of all the mice and put them around in people's offices so they could eventually find them. When everybody came in, the IT board lit up with people asking why their mice weren't working. I got in a lot of trouble for that from the IT department. But that was one. So anyway, let's go back to jokes. Let's see, I think I got a couple more here. Why did the astrophysicist get a ticket while driving?

**Mike Lewinski:** Why?

**Jay Shaffer:** He was going 80 miles an hour in a 65 zone, but he tried to argue that because of the Doppler effect, the red light actually looked green. Okay, what do you got?

**Mike Lewinski:** Hey, did you hear that Canada's starting a space program?

**Jay Shaffer:** I thought they already had one.

**Mike Lewinski:** Yeah, well, they're calling this new spaceship the Apollo G.

**Jay Shaffer:** I'm sorry. I'm sorry for that joke. All right. How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

**Mike Lewinski:** I don't know, Jay, how many?

**Jay Shaffer:** None. They actually prefer the dark—unless the light bulb is a Type 1A supernova, and then they'll spend 10 years measuring exactly how much it dimmed.

**Mike Lewinski:** Oh! Well, you know, that reminds me of the joke that our friend Gak sent in. How many German planets does it take to screw in a light bulb?

**Jay Shaffer:** Uh, nine? I just guessed that. All right.

**Mike Lewinski:** 9. All right. Good job. Hey, I got a couple more here. Why do space rocks taste better than earth rocks?

**Jay Shaffer:** Okay. Because we're here?

**Mike Lewinski:** They're a little meatier.

**Jay Shaffer:** Oh, man. All right, um, what's an astrophotographer's favorite type of jewelry?

**Mike Lewinski:** I don't know.

**Jay Shaffer:** A Bahtinov mask. I know, we gotta focus here. Okay, I asked this telescope why it was so upset, and it said, "I just feel like everyone is looking right through me lately."

**Mike Lewinski:** Oh. On the first day of astronaut training, I threw up. I asked the instructor, "Is this normal?"

**Jay Shaffer:** You have another one?

**Mike Lewinski:** He said, "No, not during a written exam."

**Jay Shaffer:** Okay. So why don't stars ever go to college?

**Mike Lewinski:** Why?

**Jay Shaffer:** Because they already have a million degrees.

**Mike Lewinski:** Oh, nice. No, I'm tapped out.

**Jay Shaffer:** Alright, you have any more? Okay, I got one or two more. All right. What's the difference between a large pizza and an astrophysicist?

**Mike Lewinski:** Probably for the best. I don't know.

**Jay Shaffer:** A large pizza can feed a family of four. Okay. All right, we're going to bring this to a well-justified end here. You know, it's just sort of like when I say when my telescope mount stops tracking, I've reached my limit. Alright, one last knock-knock joke. Okay, knock knock. Parallel universe.

**Mike Lewinski:** Who's there? Parallel universe who?

**Jay Shaffer:** Knock, knock. Parallel universe.

**Mike Lewinski:** Who is there? Oh, this is never gonna end, is it?

**Jay Shaffer:** Oh, I actually have a few more, but I think we better wrap this up. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, one more knock-knock joke. Knock, knock. Dark matter.

**Mike Lewinski:** Who's there? Dark matter who?

**Jay Shaffer:** I’d tell you, but I'm 85% sure you won't be able to see the punchline.

**Mike Lewinski:** Oh, nice.

**Jay Shaffer:** Okay, I know, Mike, you love cosmology. It's one of your favorite subjects. I thought you'd really like that one.

**Mike Lewinski:** Yes, very much.

**Jay Shaffer:** Okay, let's wrap this up. Let's thank all of our listeners for putting up with this podcast, and please send in your bad astronomy jokes; we'll read a couple of those on the air next week. If you send those in, you can always be sure to like and subscribe to this podcast if you'd like to hear more, and let us know what you'd like to hear more about. And don't forget to check out our websites, wildernessvagabonds.com and skylapser.com, and our YouTube channels under the Mike Lewinski name and under my Skylapser name. And our intro music is "Fanfare for Space" by Kevin MacLeod from the YouTube Audio Library. From the Deep Sage 9 Observatory, this is Jay Shaffer and… wishing you all clear skies.

**Mike Lewinski:** Mike Lewinski.